A Different Picture of Fatherhood

By Terry Peloquin

Homer Simpson. Al Bundy. Dan Connor. Ray Barone. Tim “The Toolman” Taylor. You might know these fathers from popular television comedies in recent decades. 

Images of their TV families were set on a poster board in a comparison with more wholesome shows from the 1950s. This display stood in the front of the Saint Faustina Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where 18 participants gathered on Saturday, Nov. 9, for a roundtable intended to foster authentic Christian fatherhood.

The daylong event, entitled “Fatherhood: A Source of Hope for Family, Church, and Culture,” followed last year’s “Motherhood and Faith Roundtable.”

A real-life father
As he welcomed guests, the event’s planner, Br. John Luth, MIC, discussed the modern TV fathers “who present more often than not as self-centered, scheming smart alecks or hedonists, and manipulative conmen, who know nothing of adult responsibility, let alone of fatherhood, and who share nothing in common with …”

He paused.

“Well, let me introduce you to another type of father,” he said, handing one guest a black-and-white photo to pass around. It was Br. John’s own father holding a newborn baby.

Brother John said he enjoyed hearing his father tell the story of when his parents brought home their first infant, his sister. “As my father would tell it, I could see my mother leaning over my father’s shoulders as he held my sister, both sitting awash in a wonderment of her perfections, her lashes and fine hair, the tiny perfection of her mouth, her toenails and fingernails.”

Then, Br. John passed around a second photo of his father with a baby. “Though this was his fourth and final child, he had lost none of that wonder and reverie across the years.” The panelists regarded the images, each reliving the moment for themselves.

“Today,” Br. John said, “we have come to ponder fatherhood and all it means to each of us, the joys and hopes, the grief and anxieties all of you experience and share as fathers.”

‘What makes a good papa?’
The roundtable was moderated by lay Dominican speaker and author Rose Folsom. Rose recounted Br. John’s list of the obstacles facing fathers, including the media’s portrayal of fatherhood as “weak” and “bumbling.” She asked the panelists to call out words they would use to describe what a father is.

Sacrifice. Protective. Love. Priest. Provider. Teacher. Happiness. Guide. Patience. Counselor. Supporter. Leader. Shepherd.

“If all paternity comes from God the Father, as St. Paul tells us, then the very attributes of God the Father are lived out in Christian fatherhood,” Rose said. “You just named a bunch of them. And that’s what brings hope to your families, our Church, our culture, living out the attributes of God in your life.”

The youngest father in the room admitted that most of the panelists had been married longer than he has been alive. “So I speak not from experience but from desire,” he said. “My wife and I know there were no instructions for parenting. When we were pulling up to the Shrine, I asked my daughter, who’s 2, what does it mean to be a good papa? And without hesitation she said, ‘Jesus.’”

The young father and his wife had added to their children’s baptismal certificates a reference to Matthew 28:19-20. There, Jesus tells His followers to make disciples of all nations, “teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” He concluded, “So the ‘instruction book’ really is the life of Christ.”

Specific Advice
Some of the older fathers commiserated at the pain of seeing a child leave the faith, even if only temporarily. One father of six adult children recalled, “My wife and I were on a pilgrimage with 140 people, most of whom were in their 60s. Their biggest concern was ‘How are we going to be happy in Heaven if our kids aren’t there?’”

The couple found that words wouldn’t sway their children. “We realized we need to work at becoming better Catholics and defend the faith by example.”

Here are a few pointers gleaned through experience:

•Bring your family to church with you. Sit in the front so small children can see.
•Pray together out loud every night.
•Pray over your children and grandchildren. 
•Be vigilant over who and what influences them.
•Establish household rules. Set guidelines.
•Pray at every meal, at home or in public.
•Discuss religion with your family. Go more in depth as they mature.
•Talk with your kids daily. If they’re adults and moved away, use the phone.
•No matter what your child does, pray for them and love them.

Watching with Intensity
At the end of the day, Br. John said he had been watching not only the panelists, but the observers. Noting the “intensity of the attention” they gave to the discussions, he asked, “What impressed you?”

Most of the observers began by complimenting the panelists for their forthcoming answers and openness.

Sheila Kuzmic of Westerly, Rhode Island, said, “I was sobbing through quite a bit of this. I saw courage and perseverance in their trials despite the odds. No matter what story it was, they hung in there because of the faith, the grace that they experienced. … And the last thing I realized was that, no matter what story, God was in control.”

What Does Scripture say about a Father’s Role?

A lot. Here are only a few examples:

Indeed, I have singled him out that he may direct his children and his household in the future to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord may put into effect for Abraham the promises he made about him.
— Genesis 18:19

I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go. 
— Joshua 1:9

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.
— Ephesians 6:4 

Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.
— Proverbs 22:6

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LAMDVD

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