Doubt

The following is an excerpt from the Marian Press book 52 Weeks with St. Faustina by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle:

“A whole wave of doubts beats against my soul.” 
Diary, 1086 

How often we doubt God’s love for us! Doubt is the opposite of faith. According to 2 Corinthians 5:7, “[W]e walk by faith, not by sight.” How strong is our faith? Can it overcome doubts? This week’s spiritual exercise discusses doubt and how it plays out in our lives. We will also look at how Sr. Faustina moved through doubt. It wasn’t easy for her since she often seemed to be plagued by it. Let’s jump in! 

WEEK 38

In the Letter to the Hebrews, we learn, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (11:1). At times, our faith is weak. When St. Thomas didn’t believe, Jesus told him to touch His sacred wounds. “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe” (Jn 20:27). At times, we need reassurance. 

Doubt can be debilitating — it can make us sink! We recall that St. Peter was rebuked by Jesus when he doubted that he could walk on water. In my book By Dawn’s Early Light: Prayers and Meditations for Catholic Military Wives, I spoke about walking on water: 

Recall that St. Peter, walking on the water, began to sink when he took his eyes off his Lord Jesus who was calling to him. It was dark, and Peter remembered the fierce winds and the unruly waves that had battered the terrified disciples’ old fishing boat just moments earlier. At first, Jesus appeared like a ghost out on the water, but He quickly identified Himself. “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” 

Peter answered, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” Jesus simply instructed. Peter got out of the boat. He was okay for a few seconds, when he trusted Jesus, but as soon as he doubted his ability to stay afloat, down he went! Maybe through the darkness it was hard to trust. Perhaps the strength of the storm rattled his brain and caused him to fear. But the good news is that as soon as the sinking Peter, who, by the way, was an experienced fisherman, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately rescued him, grabbing Peter’s arm and lifting him safely out of the frightening waves. Jesus gently rebuked Peter: “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” They both got into the boat, and the stormy winds settled down. Everything became still, and the witnesses in the boat immediately worshipped Jesus, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God” (Matt. 14:22-33). 

How often do we doubt when we take our eyes off God? How many times are we in situations when our Lord can say to us, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” I am absolutely sure that it is an everyday occurrence in most people’s lives. We doubt God’s ability in seemingly insignificant circumstances, as well as in huge, overpowering ones.

Let’s look at another scene in the Gospel — the one when Christ was sleeping in a boat. Here, we are reminded of faith and the lack thereof. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) once preached, “God sleeps while his affairs are about to sink — is that not the experience of our own lives? Do the Church and the faith not appear like a little sinking ship that uselessly struggles against wind and waves while God is absent?” He continued, “The Apostles in utter despair shake the Lord and cry out to waken him, but he appears surprised and scolds them for their lack of faith. Is it any different for us? When the storm has passed, we will recognize how foolish our faint-hearted faith was ... Lord help us, for without you we would perish.”

Sister Faustina and Doubt

Doubt can occur due to our lack of faith. But doubt might also visit us in the form of a trial, or even as a trick from the devil trying to discourage us. In Sr. Faustina’s case, doubt visited often. It was a part of a dark night she experienced in the spiritual life. Some of it we discussed earlier — the huge responsibility weighing heavily on her shoulders and no one to help sort through the heavenly messages — but now we turn to another key element. Sister Faustina was often troubled by doubt. It confused her. In response, she turned to prayer at every opportunity, even when she thought her prayers would be useless. Sometimes her earnest prayers were uttered in complete silence as she lifted her heart in full surrender to God. 

As we know, the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy took care of wayward girls, many from rough backgrounds. Sister Faustina was always concerned for their souls. One time when St. Faustina struggled with doubt and lack of peace, she asked Jesus if the voice she heard was from Him or some kind of delusion. 

She recalled, “I began to speak to Jesus interiorly without forming any words. Suddenly an inner force took hold of me and I said, ‘If You who commune with me and talk to me are truly my God, I beg You, O Lord, to make this ward go this very day to confession; this sign will give me reassurance.’ At that very moment, the girl asked to go to confession” (Diary, 74). This totally amazed the Mother Superior in charge of the class of girls. A priest was called, and the girl made her contrite confession. Sister Faustina recalled, “At the same time, I heard a voice within me say, ‘Do you believe Me now?’” Again a strange power pervaded her soul, and she was strengthened and reassured. The young nun wondered why she had allowed herself to doubt “even for a moment” (Diary, 74). 

Another time, Sr. Faustina recalled, “Although the temptations are strong, a whole wave of doubts beat against my soul, and discouragement stands by, ready to enter into the act. The Lord, however, strengthens my will, against which all the attempts of the enemy are shattered as if against a rock.” She added, “I see how many actual graces God grants me; these support me ceaselessly. I am very weak, and I attribute everything solely to the grace of God” (Diary, 1086). 

Moving Forward Amid Tears and Grace

Shortly after making perpetual vows on May 1, 1933, Sr. Faustina was sent to Vilnius on May 27 for her next assignment. There, she would work in the gardens. She had previously received reassuring words from Fr. Andrasz: “Have confidence and walk ahead with courage” (Diary, 257). Before departing, Sr. Faustina told Jesus about her unease in going to unfamiliar Vilnius with its foreign dialect and in leaving behind Fr. Andrasz, who understood her. Jesus said, “Do not fear; I will not leave you to yourself” (Diary, 258). Sister Faustina thanked Jesus for all of the graces she had already received and suddenly remembered the vision of the priest that was to be her confessor. “[T]he words I had heard came back vividly: ‘He will help you to fulfill My will here on earth’” (Diary, 258). When it was time to leave, Sr. Faustina glanced back at the house and gardens. Tears welled up in her eyes when she turned her glance towards the novitiate. “[T]ears suddenly ran down my cheeks. I remembered all the blessings and graces bestowed on me by the Lord” (Diary, 259). Just then, Jesus told His bride, “Do not weep; I am with you always” (Diary, 259). Jesus accompanied Sr. Faustina all along her journey. 


Sister Faustina received permission from her Mother Superior to stop off in Czestochowa on the way. Sister Faustina had yearned for a respite with the Blessed Mother at the Marian shrine at Jasna Gora in Poland, and had always wanted to visit the Black Madonna image. (This visit was discussed in an earlier chapter about the Blessed Mother.) While there for six hours communing with Mary, the perpetually professed nun entrusted her vows to the great Mother of God. She recalled, “I felt that I was her child and that She was my Mother. She did not refuse any of my requests” (Diary, 260). 


Some time after arriving in Vilnius, Sr. Faustina finally met the priest that Jesus had destined to be her spiritual director. Little by little, Sr. Faustina revealed her soul to Fr. Michael Sopoćko. She struggled against grace at first, overcoming internal resistance in order to open up fully, even though grace penetrated her soul during each Confession. Doubt loomed, and Sr. Faustina decided not go to Confession. She was then filled with anxiety, and God reproached her severely. She recalled, “When I did lay bare my soul completely to this priest, Jesus poured an ocean of graces into it.” She added, “Now I understand what it means to be faithful to a particular grace. That one grace draws down a whole series of others” (Diary, 263). This fact is important for us to remember. 


Something to Ponder 
How many times have we doubted God’s promises? How often do we strive to grow in our faith? The virtue of faith in our hearts, a virtue that is given at Baptism, is meant to grow and not become stagnant. We must pray for an increase in the virtues each day. Remember that Sr. Faustina clung to prayer and the Sacraments even though she was plagued with doubts. She also offered an Act of Trust to Jesus when she felt doubtful or helpless. Take lessons from this humble saint. Carve out some time today and throughout this week to ponder faith and doubt in your life. Examine your habits. Do you crumple when hit by doubt? Are you tempted to give up? Resist that temptation and move forward with prayer. Perhaps you can make necessary changes in your prayer life. Trust God whole- heartedly and “walk by faith, not by sight.” 


A Merciful Action
Is there someone in your life who is struggling with doubt? Or someone who has left the Church? Pray and ponder a concrete way in which you can make a holy difference in their life this week. Even small loving things can make a difference in someone’s life, though we might not see the fruits of it now. Be a gentle teacher of the faith — plant seeds! Pray hard and make it count! Pray, love, act! 

A PRAYER OF MERCY FOR THIS WEEK 
(To be prayed each day this week.) 
Dear Merciful Jesus, help me never to doubt You. When I am doubtful, please strengthen me in my faith.
Please open my eyes and my heart to see those in need of encouragement and reassurance. Allow me, please, to be a radiant example of faith. Mother Mary and St. Faustina, please pray for me.
Jesus, I trust in You!
Amen. 

You can order 52 Weeks with St. Faustina by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle here:

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Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

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