By Marc Massery
Turn to any page of the Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska and you find spiritual gems. Like this one:
When I was close to the Lord, He said to me, "Why are you afraid to begin the work which I have commanded you to carry out?" I answered, "Why do You leave me on my own at such times, Jesus, and why do I not feel Your presence?" "My daughter, even though you do not perceive Me in the most secret depths of your heart, you still cannot say that I am not there. I only remove from you the awareness of My presence, and that should not be an obstacle to the carrying out of My will. I do this to achieve My unfathomable ends, which you will know of later on.
My daughter, know without doubt, and once and for all, that only mortal sin drives Me out of a soul, and nothing else" (1181).
Our feelings often fail us. When we feel alone and afraid, we tend to wonder if the Lord abandoned us. We might think we did something wrong to make Him leave. Or we think that perhaps the Lord isn't as powerful as He says He is.
But these are all lies. As long as we are in a state of grace, He remains in our souls, directing our steps. He often removes the knowledge of His presence from us, not because He doesn't love us, not because we did something wrong, not because He's limited in some way, but because His ways are so far beyond our ways. What looks like evil to us is often really a blessing.
The holier we become, the more we will realize this. When we feel His absence and still choose to follow His will, we grow in the virtue of selfless love, the highest form of love. This explains why the holiest saints developed a love for suffering. They were so convinced of the Lord's love for them that they learned to love their pain, knowing He had a loving purpose in mind.
Indeed, only one thing can cause Jesus to leave our souls: mortal sin. He may allow us to fall ill, take away our family and friends, make us feel like the most miserable, lonely sinners in the world. But as long as we continue to fulfill our basic obligations as Catholics, the Lord remains within us and continues to lavish His graces upon us.
Even if, God forbid, we fall into a state of mortal sin, God can't stop loving us. It's not in His nature. He just asks that we ask for forgiveness and come to Him in the Sacrament of Confession so that He can heal the wounds caused by our own sinfulness.
My prayer: Jesus, when I become afraid, when I question Your goodness or power, help me to remember that my thoughts and feelings often betray me. When I feel like everything is going wrong, help me to remember the truth - that You are good and that You want to fulfill the deepest desires of my heart. As I walk in Your grace, help me to remember that each moment of joy or misery is another step toward a deeper understanding of your love.
View the previous Discovering the Diary
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