(CHJ, pages 136-140.)
PRAYER. Come, Holy Spirit. Come, you who can open my eyes to the reality of sin. Help me to see the areas in my life that harden my heart and make it insensitive to the suffering of my neighbor. Holy Spirit, speak to me during this examination of conscience. Show me what's wounding my heart. Help me to overcome sin in my life that I may ponder Christ's Passion with true feeling, that my heart may be renewed, and that I may respond to my neighbor's suffering with deeper compassion and more generous mercy.
GOSSIP AND ENVY. Gossip and envy are especially effective at hardening hearts because of the way they twist our emotional responses to the suffering of others. So, for example, instead of feeling sorry for someone who suffers, gossip and envy get us to rejoice and delight over his suffering. In the case of gossip, this kind of emotional perversion may not happen immediately, but it leads in this direction. Envy is more directly destructive. By its very nature, it leads to a kind of wicked celebration over the misfortune of others whose goods we want for ourselves.
Regarding gossip: Do I have a morbid curiosity? For instance, when I watch the news, do I become interested in catastrophes, murders, or atrocities of war as a kind of entertainment? Or, when I hear of such sad situations, do I immediately pray for the people affected? Do I take delight in hearing of scandals? If I begin to feel an intense interest in some scandal, am I quick to mortify my curiosity? Do I engage in the kind of gossip that repeats the sins or misfortunes of others for no good reason? (detraction). Or worse, do I harm the reputation of others by speaking falsely about them? (calumny). Do I take too much interest in rumors and the doings of others? Do I choose as my friends people who like to gossip about others? Do I watch television shows, visit websites, or read magazines that tend toward gossip? Do I give some thought to what I say about others? Do I speak too much about others? Do I do some critical reflection after a conversation about others that has left me feeling uneasy?
Regarding envy: Do I become sad when I see the material or spiritual wealth of others? Do I rejoice or take delight in the misfortunes or falls of someone whom I envy? If I experience such emotions in myself, do I act against them by praying for the person and turning my thoughts to something else? Or do I linger with the perverted delight and nurture it by continually reflecting on the "good news" of someone else's misfortune? Do I take what I have for granted? Or am I aware of and thankful for what God has given to me and my family?
LUST AND GREED. Sins that habituate us to seeing our neighbor as an object (instead of as a person) are particularly good at making us blind to the suffering of others. Such sins include lust, whereby we see others simply as objects for sexual pleasure, and greed, whereby we see others merely as opportunities for (or obstacles to) making money.
Regarding lust: Do I tend to see others as sexual objects? Do I look at pornography? Do I keep a healthy custody of my eyes, especially during spring and summer months when people often dress immodestly? If I catch my eyes turning to where they shouldn't go, do I give the "second look" to God? Or do I allow my eyes to continue their pursuit? If I'm tempted with impure thoughts, do I turn to prayer? Or do I linger with them and their sinful delight? Do I avoid the near occasion of sin by avoiding forms of entertainment and places that might especially tempt me to impurity? Do I avoid idleness? Or do I waste time and give in to laziness? (Being idle and lazy invites temptations to impurity.)
Regarding greed: Do I see people only as potential clients and miss seeing them as persons? Are things more important to me than people? Am I driven to seek ways of making excessive amounts of money? If I'm married, am I open to life? Or do I have a contraceptive mentality, valuing a fancy car or exotic vacations more than having another child? Do I distinguish needs from wants? Do I always have to have the latest thing or a name brand? Can I enjoy the simple pleasures of life? Am I generous in giving to the poor?
JUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE. As Blessed Mother Teresa used to say, "If you take the time to judge, you don't have time to love." When we assume an attitude of judgment toward another, a gap yawns between us and them, and we can't connect. This is a diabolical attitude that stems from pride. It's subtle, but it does more damage to the heart than sins of the flesh — the very same sins over which it often sits in judgment.
Do I see myself as superior to others? Do I look down on particular groups of people because of their race, opinions, or ways of life? Do I impute motives to the actions of others, or do I leave such judgments to God? Am I quick to judge priests and bishops, or do I leave them, especially, to God's judgment? Do I pray for priests and bishops? Do I tend to make rash judgments of others? In other words, do I assume as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral faults of others? Do I realize rash judgment is grave matter when it rashly judges acts that are grave? To avoid rash judgment, am I careful, as the Catechism says, "to interpret insofar as possible [my] neighbor's thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way"? Am I insecure in my own life of faith and judge others out of a need to feel righteous? Or, while striving for holiness, do I recognize my own weaknesses, sinfulness, and attachments and go to Jesus, whom I know is rich in mercy? Do I relate to the older brother in the parable of the Prodigal Son? (see Lk 15:11-32). Do I believe in God's mercy? Do I realize that those who are merciful will obtain mercy (see Mt 5:7) and that the measure I give will be the measure I get back? (see Lk 6:38).
UNWILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE. Here I've saved what may be the "worst" for last. Nothing hardens a heart more than an unwillingness to forgive. When we cling to bitterness, resentment, grudges, and hate for those who have hurt us, our hearts quickly become as cold and hard as ice. When we don't forgive, we may think we're punishing the other person, but the reality is we're destroying ourselves. We often pray to our heavenly Father, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Do we realize that if we don't forgive, we won't be forgiven? Still, we need not get discouraged or despair if we struggle in this area, for if we have even the slightest bit of good will, the Lord's mercy is there for us. Moreover, he knows that it often takes time for us to be able to forgive fully, and he's patient. O Lord, please give us the grace to forgive!
Are there people in my life whom I haven't forgiven? Do I hold on to bitterness over past wounds? Am I resentful toward anyone? Is there anyone to whom I give the silent treatment? Is there anyone I would refuse to help if he needed it? Do I pray for my enemies? Is there anyone for whom I would not pray? Do I need to ask anyone for forgiveness? Is there anyone with whom it might be helpful to talk regarding a past hurt that especially bothers me, and can I do so without being accusatory and with a readiness to forgive? Have I asked Jesus for the grace to forgive? Do I reflect on how often Jesus has forgiven me? Do I reflect on his example of forgiving those who crucified him? Do I realize my sins crucified him? Do I realize he still loves me when I choose to forgive but struggle with forgetting? Do I try to forget? Or do I continually replay in my mind past hurts? Do I try to give people a clean slate? Have I said, "I forgive you"? Do I try to forgive? Or do I give in to anger, which seeks to do evil to someone out of a desire for revenge? According to St. Faustina, "We resemble God most when we forgive our neighbors."
