By Marc Massery
View the previous Discovering the Diary.
Turn to any page of the Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska and you find spiritual gems. Like this one:
"A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker ... [my confessor told me that] in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations" (Diary, 68).
Our happiness or sadness at any given time is not necessarily contingent upon our behavior. Sometimes, we can be doing our very best, remaining faithful to God's will and striving for virtue, and still feel like God has rejected us.
In this part of the Diary, St. Faustina does not do anything to cause a certain darkness in her soul. In her angst, however, she tells her confessor about how she is feeling. He reveals to her that God often finds us pleasing even when we ourselves are not pleased. In fact, he says that God finds us even more pleasing when we continue to seek Him amidst our pain and dissatisfaction.
When we feel like something is wrong, we naturally have the tendency to blame ourselves and try to fix our problems on our own. Sometimes, however, we have problems that we simply cannot fix. When we're struggling in this way, we just have to remember that through His death and Resurrection, Jesus has already fixed everything. We just have to patiently wait for His deliverance. Because in this life, bad seasons always give way to good seasons eventually. In the end, the light will triumph over the darkness for all eternity.
The Holy Spirit says to us: Do not think that I feel the same way about you as you feel about Me. I am always excited to love you, even when you're struggling and feeling down. Just know that in every situation, I have my purposes. Remain patient, and I will lead you to where I want you to go.
My prayer: Jesus, please help me not to be so hard on myself when I am down and struggling. Please help me to remember that I'm only a fallen human being, completely reliant upon your grace. Help me to be grateful for what you've provided me with already, and trust that You will provide more than enough for me in the days to come.
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